326 / why dates are meaningless, forced to be forgotten (losing count, starting again)

D. gave me this typewriter for Christmas to replace the one that A. took away. Or perhaps he gave it to me for the simple reason that he knew it would make me happy. Is it necessary to mention context— the negotiation made, the unfair barter, the restlessness after? If this were a story, then, yes, the objective phrase for the dramatic situation would be to replace.

But I’ve stopped seeing myself tangled in a plot, desperate for the rising action and hungry for a conflict that would lead to dizzying professions of love and “never agains.” This meant farewell to the fictionalization of struggle, and good riddance to the glamorization of pain. 

I want a quiet life. I’ve come to accept the steady pace of days, the happy hum of clockwork. Day in and day out, what gives life character is not the urgent alarm of ‘to replace’ but the humble, almost negligible echo of ‘to give away.’

“I forgive you.”
“I’ve given you away.”

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